Today I am taking a page out of Fadra Nally’s book and doing a Steam of Consciousness post. It is a five minute brain dump. There are no edits, no proofreading and no spellchecking. This is writing in the raw. Here goes:
I know that I need to write this post as a stream of consciousness because I am in a complete funk this week. And I know why. The ten year anniversary of 9/11 is here. Ten years. How the heck did ten years pass by already? In the fall of 2011 I could even not think ten years ahead.
For the past few days I feel like I am back in that same zombie-like funk that we were all in during the days, weeks and months after the attacks. I have been watching a lot of footage, reading the articles again. I read and re-read the obituary of Steve, my cousin’s husband. I don’t want to go back there but I am determined not to forget it. I can still see her face during the days when she thought there was a possibility that he was still alive and when reality hit that he was gone. I can still see the kids, at age four, who didn’t really understand why all those people were at their house but feeling the heaviness too.
This week coming up is going to be a difficult one; trying to go about our ordinary business but knowing that this week is anything but ordinary. Next Saturday I will be at the Kids With Food Allergies Foundation’s annual expo and while I would rather be glued to the television I know that paying it forward that day is a better use of my time. I just hope I can put on a happy face.
I’m not sure if being in this funk is doing anybody any good, especially myself, but somehow I can’t get out of it. Maybe writing this post and putting it out there in the universe will help me release some of the sadness.
Maybe.
***
Oh Jessica! This made me cry, but you know what? I’m sending him a balloon on 09/11/11. I’m having my kids send all of those lost balloons on this day from now on. It will be our new tradition and maybe lift some of the sadness we all feel on this day every year. Thanks for sharing this personal story with us and thank you for giving me a positive idea.
Christy, there aren’t enough words to tell you how that comment just made my day.
Jessica…thanks for the visit to my blog. What an incredible memorial to your cousin’s husband. I don’t think anyone in the US will ever forget 9/11 and your feelings of heaviness this week will be shared by the nation, even if they did not personally know anyone in NY. This is something horrible that has linked every single one of us and we SHOULDN’T forget. I will be thinking of your family next Sunday (and this upcoming week) while our church is gathering for only one service that weekend to unite everyone in the same place at the same time. Through evil, they thought they would weaken us but our strength to come together has come out and united us in support. Hugs coming your way!
Mamalou (Lisa) http://mamalousgems.blogspot.com/
This just touched my heart.
I’m Canadian, but I’ll never forget what happened that day. Such a tragedy. My prayers go out to all the lives that were lost and touched that day.
Thanks so much.
New follower from the meaningful monday hop. Hope you’re enjoying your Labor Day and hope you will keep in touch!
Thanks
http://ourtipsforsaving.blogspot.com
Jessica,
I literally have tears streaming down my face as I write this. My heart breaks for you and your family. As I go through my memories of 9-11, I will also be taking the time to remember your cousin’s husband. He sounded like a wonderful man, husband, father, etc. It is so important that we never forget those that were lost on this day and those who gave so much.
I hope that your post was able to give you some of the peace that you were looking for.
Lisa
http://www.insignificantatbest.com
It really did feel so cathartic to write it all down, thought it was nerve-wracking to hit the publish button on this post! Thanks so much for the warm words. I truly appreciate it.