Today I am taking a page out of Fadra Nally’s book and doing a Steam of Consciousness post. It is a five minute brain dump. There are no edits, no proofreading and no spellchecking. This is writing in the raw. Here goes:
I know that I need to write this post as a stream of consciousness because I am in a complete funk this week. And I know why. The ten year anniversary of 9/11 is here. Ten years. How the heck did ten years pass by already? In the fall of 2011 I could even not think ten years ahead.
For the past few days I feel like I am back in that same zombie-like funk that we were all in during the days, weeks and months after the attacks. I have been watching a lot of footage, reading the articles again. I read and re-read the obituary of Steve, my cousin’s husband. I don’t want to go back there but I am determined not to forget it. I can still see her face during the days when she thought there was a possibility that he was still alive and when reality hit that he was gone. I can still see the kids, at age four, who didn’t really understand why all those people were at their house but feeling the heaviness too.
This week coming up is going to be a difficult one; trying to go about our ordinary business but knowing that this week is anything but ordinary. Next Saturday I will be at the Kids With Food Allergies Foundation’s annual expo and while I would rather be glued to the television I know that paying it forward that day is a better use of my time. I just hope I can put on a happy face.
I’m not sure if being in this funk is doing anybody any good, especially myself, but somehow I can’t get out of it. Maybe writing this post and putting it out there in the universe will help me release some of the sadness.