The Anti New Year’s Resolution

It’s that time of year again when people start talking about their New Year’s resolutions.  We hear about them on the talk shows and learn the best techniques for sticking to those resolutions.  Personally, I think resolutions are a load of nonsense because they are typically broken by President’s Day, if not sooner.  According to, here are some New Year’s resolutions that are popular year after year, and here’s why those resolutions are inane.

  • Drink Less Alcohol – The amount I drink currently is just fine, thank you. It’s not too much or too little, just enough to take the edge off.
  • Get a Better Education – Any parent of a school-aged child is getting a better education by doing it over for a second time.  That is not a resolution; it just goes with the territory.  There is no need for me to learn “new math” by the way.  Old math worked just fine.
  • Get a Better Job – While getting a better job is certainly a noble goal, in this economy I think we should refer to this resolution as “Keep the Job with Benefits and Find Something to do on the Side to Supplement Your Income.”
  • Get Fit – This one should really be called, “Move Your Lazy Ass” or in my case, “Get off Your Blogger Butt.” I’m working on it but won’t make it a resolution because then I’ll feel all guilty the next time a day has gone by without getting off the laptop, or showering let alone moving around.
  • Lose Weight – This resolution involves the prior one. That’s called a double resolution and double resolutions cancel each other out.  Sorry, those are the rules, folks.
  • Manage Debt – If you are just starting to manage your debt because a new year is coming, chances are that you are highly unlikely to keep this resolution.  Managing debt needs to be a way of life.  Otherwise you need to contact Suze Orman or Jean Chatzky, stat.
  • Manage Stress – Seriously?  This isn’t a realistic resolution, especially if you work, have kids, own a home or breathe.  (See “Manage Debt.)
  • Quit Smoking – Don’t smoke. Don’t need to quit. Boom.
  • Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle – I already recycle like a mad-woman. Reducing goes hand-in-hand with “Manage Debt,” above.  I’m not much of a repurpose person, except if you count those awesome plastic packages that house the Gap kids underwear, pillow cases and beds-in-a-bag.  Those can be reused for a multitude of items.
  • Save Money – See “Manage Debt.”  This theme is getting annoyingly redundant.
  • Take a Trip – In my case, this resolution involves the prior one.  Once again, that’s a double resolution and double resolutions cancel each other out.  Sorry kids, maybe we’ll get to Disney next year.
  • Volunteer to Help Others – Well, this one I must say I like because there is always something that can be done to help someone else. Ideally it would be just dandy if helping would be something that didn’t start in the new year, but for those who don’ yet help others at least it’s the thought that counts.

So there you have it.  Resolutions could be a great way to kick-start a new way of life, as long as you are willing to continue with them past Valentine’s Day.  Otherwise any day of the year is a good one to start making a change in your life.

Wishing you a very happy, healthy and productive new year!



  1. Haha love it! I think you have to sit down and really want to change yourself…and this can and should happen any time of year. Pretending you’re going to change just because the numbers on the calendars do doesn’t do anyone any good.

    • Jessica @FoundtheMarbles says:

      It almost feels like trying to initiate a change at the start of the new year is just asking for trouble!

  2. Seriously? I love this!! I am stealing it and memorizing it for the next time someone asks for my NYR!

  3. That’s funny! I’m with you, if you want to make changes in your life you can do it anytime in the year — no fairy dust from New Year’s required. 😉

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