What’s With All the Haters?

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss

Since June I have heard multiple stories from bloggers regarding haters in the blogging community. Just to be clear, I am not talking about mild disagreements or people who just don’t click.  I am talking about vicious comments on blogs and Twitter, bullying, threats and sabotage.  That’s not even mentioning the entire sites devoted to hating certain bloggers.

Prior to becoming a blogger I worked at a media company which has competing entities under its umbrella.  Competitors working in the same building.  Yet, the tension there was not nearly as thick as some of what is happening lately in the blogosphere.

I don’t get it.  What’s with all the haters in the blogosphere?  Why can’t we all just get along?  Seriously, folks.  Aren’t there better ways to spend one’s time than spewing hatred on Twitter?  Shouldn’t we instead be celebrating one another’s success?

When I first started in blogging I was the subject of some rumors and whispers behind my back.  While I didn’t want to let it bother me, it really did.  Friends told me not to waste my energy on it but we all know that it’s so much easier to say that than to do it.  Finally, after months of hurt feelings and anger I was able to let myself ignore it and just move on.  Fortunately at about that same time, those who had bought into the hype began to recognize the real situation (and my experience is small potatoes compared to what some of these other bloggers are dealing with lately).  I have found great friends and supporters through this sphere, some who I know only through Twitter and others who I now call friends ‘in real life.’

There is enough room here for everyone to have success.  Differing opinions are not just allowed, they are welcome.  That’s what sparks interesting conversation and friendly debate.  However, as the saying goes, when we start to attack the messenger rather than the message we have lost the meaning of the debate.

Those who are the subject of hatred did not ask to be placed in that role and all of it, albeit deflating, is not ultimately going to change a thing.  For the most part, those who are the subject of the hatred are in that position because they are successful.  These attempts at bringing them down are not going to work and may even help to boost their success.  So why bother?  What are the haters going to prove, anyway?

Let’s face it.  These haters are not going to disappear any time soon.  I guess it’s up to those of us on the outside to either ignore the nonsense or, at the very least, give it due diligence before drawing any conclusions.

And so I ask again.  Can’t we all just get along?

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Comments

  1. Through the Lens of Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog says:

    It’s so awful to know that people aren’t nice; especially when I’ve experienced nothing but niceness from the blogging community. HOWEVER, I have been attacked by non bloggers, viciously. My SIL and I still don’t speak, because of a stint of cyber bullying I experienced from her and her friends (we’re in our 40s). In an attack from a dog trainer, the N word was tossed out there. Can you believe that? We expose ourselves to all kinds of things and the internet makes people feel protected as they hide behind the shield of anonymity and hurl judgments, accusations, and threats.

    If we, as adults, can experience this type of hate – my heart breaks every time I hear a story about cyber bullying from kids. By the way, in Washington State, cyber attacks are a felony (I live with a cop) and are taken seriously by the police for adults and kids. People should keep that in mind when they go on the attack.

    Plus, brands are watching us and research us. We warn kids to be careful of what they put out there, because potential recruiters will be seeing the image of them passed out drunk on the sidewalk that they uploaded to Facebook. Well, we should take this advice to heart too, because our favorite brands will see how we behave and RUN away.

  2. I wish everyone was as level-headed and thoughtful as you, Jessica. I really love the photo at the end of your post. As you know, it’s so hard for anyone to take the high road, to ignore the hate and meanness. It’s nearly impossible to not let it get you down, but that’s exactly what you have to work towards.

    Giving the haters our time and attention, hearing them out, trying to point out their misunderstandings just gives them a voice. It encourages them. It gives them power over us.

    I am grateful that things have calmed down for me, but I wouldn’t know if they hadn’t. I’m not seeking the haters out. I’m not reading what they have to say. They aren’t worthy of my thoughts and time and attention. The end.

    • As soon as I hit Post, I wished I’d added a couple of sentences.

      The haters aren’t even worth my hatred. Hate and anger take emotional energy that I don’t have to spare. They just don’t exist to me.

      And now that’s really the end. ;)

  3. I just tune out hating. If stuff starts being said on a message board I’ll avoid it for a few days until the drama dies down. I get enough drama in real life, I don’t want it online.

  4. i haven’t encountered any of this and hope i never do. I think what you’re saying is right. I don’t understand why we can’t all get along. It’s the world wide web for goodness sake there is room for us ALL!

  5. I don’t know what’s with all the haters, but it’s sad. I’m not sure why people need to let a really rude comment be made. What ever happened to “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all? ” visiting from comment hour today:)

  6. I don’t know why people can’t just keep their comments to themselves! Some people live off of drama and it seriously drives me crazy! I can’t stand having drama in my life.

  7. I started blogging because I was so concerned with all the INJUSTICES being done in blogging and cyberspace. I wanted my own soapbox to denounce the wrongs that were occurring around me.
    About four posts later I got sick of it, and realized that no one was really listening anyway. I’ve come a long way since then – the growth and maturity I’ve experienced since I started to read to learn – not read so that I have something to rebut – is measurable.

  8. Leah from Sweet and Sour Showers says:

    Hi I found your blog through Comment Hour. We are new to the blog community and although our blog isn’t very deep, I’m sure we’ll experience our fair share of haters too. Thanks for sharing this post!

  9. I don’t even understand why anyone would waste their time engaging in cyber bullying. It makes no sense. So sorry you went through that.

  10. Thanks for posting this. As a newbie blogger I do find it a bit intimidating at times but I just keep doing my thing-I’m just having fun with it.

  11. Thanks for the honest post. I don’t get it either – don’t people have anything better to do.

  12. *sigh*

    I can’t comment on the particulars. This stuff seems to go in cycles. Each new group comes in, gets buddy-buddy, cliques develop. There’s bad behavior, jealousy, legitimate discussions that turn sour. And then most people get bored, move-on, disappear. The ones that remain generally have no time for the drama. And then a new crop arrives and it begins again.

    Ignore. Stand up to bullies, yes. But in general, just ignore it and do your own thing.

    Leave the drama to your, um…well…not your mama…but, y’know.

  13. *sigh* Haters… Until now I really don’t get why some people are willing to put so much time and effort into ‘hating’ someone. My daily chores are already enough to drive me insane, not to mention all the juggling of whatever time I have outside of that to be able to come up with something worthy of a post for my own blog. I’m human, sometimes I disagree or even dislike somebody. But to spend so much energy as to bully, write vicious comments, send nasty tweets etc? Um, seriously, wherever did anybody get that extra time???

    Having said that, I agree with you, everybody should just get along. It’s not like we’re all next-door neighbors! I mean, if you don’t like somebody, you could just click close on that little x in the upper right hand corner of your comp screen, and Shazam! you don’t have to see that person ever again if you don’t want to. It’s real easy.

    What you said about hating the messenger instead of the message, and about there being enough place for everyone in this place we call blogosphere… very wise! I couldn’t have put it in better words!

    And you know what, I let you in on a secret. So far, I’m good. No haters. Not that I’m hoping for any here. But, it could also be that perhaps I don’t matter much to people. Well, at least not as much as you, my dear. It doesn’t make it any better, but I really believe that you being the subject of any of these hate thingys has a lot to do with your brilliance, your overall impact, and your success. The more things you have, the more people are jealous of you. Hold your head up high, girlfriend. You’re awesome!

  14. Jennifer shelton says:

    Great Post! I agree dont give in to haters, that gives them the felling of winning, Id simply just ognore the nonscence like you suggested! :)Hi, Im a new follower from Wild Weekend Blog Hop, loving the blog! I would love to invite you to follow me, J’S REVIEWS AND GIVEAWAYS
    Thanks so much! have a great day!

  15. You have some great discussions here in the comments! I have not seen/experienced the bullying/haters on my blog or in my closed little blog community, but we did have a LOT of this a few years back on some digital scrapbooking sites I was part of – i mean, really, of all things? to be hatin’ over someone’s scrapbook?
    just goes to show, women can and will find ways to be dramatic with each other no matter what the topic. I think the goal in life is learning to rise above the drama. It’s SO easy to get sucked down into it, much harder to stand up against it.
    But i am glad you posted out loud about it. i hope that as we all learn to find our own voice and be confident in who we are, that some of the haters in this community will dwindle away on their own.
    sorry i’m so late with my #commenthour comments! loved reading through your posts/comments though anyways!

    terra

  16. Tim@sogeshirts says:

    Sadly there are too many haters in the blogging community. People get jealous and crave attention. Anyways kudos to you Jessica for keeping things positive.

  17. Yay…I found it! This is the post that caught my eye on your home page when I was following you for the Thoughtful Thursday blog hop. Two or three days ago I found something called “The Mom Pledge”…which was basically about moms “playing nice” online. Most people don’t seem to realize that it is possible to disagree (even vehemently) with someone and still show them respect as a human being.

    Anyway, at Back Porchervations, I’m in the middle of a series of posts on this subject. Today’s post (also my Thoughtful Thursday post) even links to a piece I originally found as a guest post on BlogHer that personally I find rather offensive. Stop on by (in the morning, once the post is live) to see how I do! :O)

  18. Agreed! Love this post, Jessica. Getting along is boring, right? A few weeks ago, I heard someone say that revenge (because that’s all hate is) is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. Logically, it makes no sense. I don’t try to win everyone over and I know I won’t, so going into blogging with that type of mindset has been helpful. By in large, I have managed to not have venom thrown my way, but when I look at what other bloggers have to deal with, I get a bit deflated. It’s all such a waste of energy. Step away from the computer and take a walk for Pete’s Sake.

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